Sitting Back, Looking Forward

 You know those times in your life when you sit back and think about things in your life a bit more?  Things that worked out and made you happy, and then just went to the wayside for whatever reason?  I'm at that point.  

I will be 60 in a few weeks!  Out of everyone I am involved with in a situation, I am the oldest person.  I was taught by my parents to treat people how you want to be treated.  To help, serve, love, honor.  I was taught wrong from right, and learned who I didn't want to be by the people around me at a young age.  I learned the good parts and left the bad alone.  

Oh, I wasn't perfect...  I did a lot of stupid things during my first marriage.  I let another one do things to me that caused my kids more harm than it did good.  And another one I couldn't abandon because of what happened to the second one, suicide.  All because I simply wanted to "help".  But the things in my past, during my first marriage, is NOT things I have taken with me from that point on.  

In between it all, I lost sight of who Lynda was.  those things that made me truly happy, satisfied me, and made me feel whole........ stifled because of people in my life.  I can't create anymore... I do a little bit here and there, but life for me has taken such a turn, I'm not sure I can get the creative part back.  It seems since my mom died, that part of me died with her.

So, for those coming here to check on things - as I can tell right now you are.....  You just find a roommate, a place for him to go and treat him well - and you can have him back.  There comes a time when the words spoken about me in the past, that are not true - you finally have a backbone and do something about it.  The ending of my first marriage, is him coming home after 3 weeks of being gone and telling me he wasn't who he told me he was.  I left a week later....  This one has taken me a long time to leave and will hurt me until the day I die.

However, keep one thing in mind - I won't stop until I get my name back from this story and the lies.  And frankly, I don't care what person, agency, family member or friend I have to expose or plow through to get the answers.  I am hoping I have found someone that can help guide me in my own personal journey through this thing... and let the other one take care of his own answers his OWN way.  Just don't come back and tell me I told you so, especially where him and his temper is concerned.  

Maybe my creating will come back a bit more!  Maybe my decency will come back, the love I had for people - my kindness.  This story has made me a hard b*tch, and for that I am appalled.  You can tell how people were raised by how they are as adults, and you can't tell me different right now at all.  

Until next time,

Lynda