Womens History Month - Week 2

This past week I have thought hard about those women in my past, who really made me into who I am today!  I looked for pictures to include in the album of those in my life... and thought about the words I need to get out for each person!  Though not everyone will fit in the blog posts, they will be in my album!  If you missed last weeks post, you can check it out here...  Lisa changed my life one way, today's recipient changed it a whole other way!
Okay, I will say up front - I simply had NO idea I was as bad as I was at the time.  It took me a long time to figure out a few things, and I'm not proud of that.  It has also taken me a long time to be "me" again after everything that happened.  My story isn't easy to talk about, let alone reflect back on.  
My dad died on 8/5/04 - which was 5 years to day after my ex-husband Richie, committed suicide.  It started 3 days earlier (my birthday) - he was depressed... took a bottle of aspirin, drank 13 beers, and chased it with a Pepsi - the Pepsi killed him of a massive heart attack on 8/5/99...  I don't remember much the first few weeks after that - I threw myself in my job...and my kids - well...I don't know really, how my kids survived.  I just remember my daughter coming to me and telling me she didn't have any clothes to wear...this was about 2-3 weeks after he had died.  I asked her "where are they"???  DUH - "they are dirty" she said...  I hadn't done laundry or cleaned my house, all I had done is cried, worked - and had no idea how I was going to get through it all.  
I worked from then until summertime 2002...when I started doing drugs.  I wouldn't have committed suicide really - but to die of a drug overdose where it wasn't my fault...no problem (was my mindset).  9 months later, on 3/31/03 - I quit cold turkey...  It was right then I knew I needed to be a mom to my daughter Terra.  No offense to family, but it was bad enough I didn't have a mom who had been there for me - mine had cancer when I was a small baby, so my 10 year old sister raised me...  I didn't have that traditional mother daughter relationship most of you have had...  I didn't want that for my daughter - so change I must... 
So today's person I honor, is my daughter Terra, the person who totally changed my life in ways she will never - EVER - be able to understand...  I finally had to understand she needed a life, so she went to live with her father.  He has done a wonderful job in raising her and her brother...where I failed - and would have failed them.  She is a beautiful woman - works so hard...had to grow up way faster than she should have!  I thank her for simply being the person she was - to get my head where it needed to be.  When it is you that is to teach your children, my children have taught me!    

Thanks for stopping by,

Lynda Jeffs

Memories in Tyme